What do I do with my life?

4 things I have been doing instead of writing worthwhile blog posts:

1.) Watching Scandal
I am addicted to this show! Entire first season is on Netflix and the entire second season is on Hulu Plus. I really love the show and the suspense, but to be completely honest, I am finding myself a little scared at night. Like move quickly through the apartment scared. It is reminiscent of how I felt after watching Are You Afraid of the Dark on Nickelodeon. Do you guys watch Scandal? Do you love it? Does it scare you as bad as it scares me?

2.) Being a cheer coach
We picked our new team! The girls are great. It isn't cheer season or anything, but during slow times like this I end up checking in with girls a lot more about their actual lives and not so much their cheer lives. During the season I see them every day, but it is 100% cheer 100% of the time. Not right now though! I swear teenager’s lives are far more complicated than ours were at their age. I think it is because they have all this crazy technology to make everything worse.

3.) Going to Starbucks on a regular basis for mediocre espresso drinks
Yell at me for going to Starbucks all the time. Do it! I dare you. I live in the NW and good coffee is a big deal. So is buying local, eating organic, wearing hemp clothes and not using an umbrella. Okay, so I buy organic produce when I can and I don’t own an umbrella even though it rains 9 months out of the year here. You caught me! BUT I do go to Starbucks. Why? Because they are everywhere and they are consistent. Consistently mediocre? Yes. But whatever. I can always count on Starbucks for familiarity and I find it comforting. They are also really fast. And if it takes longer than 5 minutes they will give you a free drink ticket. So quit your judging! I don’t have time to get up early so I can go to the local coffee place and wait ten minutes for pour over coffee or manually pulled espresso. [Zack Morris Timeout: Going to a suburban Starbucks is “late for work torture.” It is crazy slow. Don’t do it!]

4.) Working at my regular person full time job
My busy season is fast approaching. Both yesterday and today my lists have been getting longer and longer. And due to the fact that all I am doing is adding to my lists… there is no time to do any of the tasks that would let me cross something off!

Have a great day! Peace to all.

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I am SO on Ellen right now!

Every time something weird happens to me I assume I am going to be on Ellen.

For example:
Yesterday at Starbucks there was a guy with a cartoonish voice. First I was alarmed, was he waiting to see how I was going to react? Is he in comm. arts classes doing a social experiment? The non-verbal communication class did this at my college. They would be awkward and stand too close and look at you, and then they would write about your reaction. Stupid classes, making everyone feel uncomfortable.

Basically I looked at him with an “I know what you’re up to” look. And then he looked at me weird! He definitely just had a terrible voice. Poor guy. He stood too close to me at the cream/ napkin area and when I wiped up the half and half that had been spilled, due to the typical Starbucks morning traffic (I always do this because I think spilled dairy is disgusting), he thanked me as if he worked there… that got me thinking…

I’m on Ellen! He is using a funny voice and I did something any normal nice human would do! I’M SO WINNING MONEY! I was all like, “Okay Amy and Andy, where are you!? You can come out now with my $100!” (Don’t worry; I didn't say it out loud.)

I walked out of Starbucks waiting for my waiver to sign so I could be on TV…  Nothing happened. I was actually disappointed.

Moral of this story: I need to stop watching TV. Sometimes people are seriously awkward and it doesn't mean you are going to be on TV or that you are going to win money.

Tricks vs. Trix

Pretty Woman taught us that you don’t want to “turn tricks.” BUT General Mills taught us that "Trix are for kids."

Tricks vs. Trix

It just doesn't make sense. Didn't General Mills (not a real general btw) know that the word tricks/ trix had a different meaning? Did no one on their marketing team find it at all inappropriate?

So the rabbit was silly for thinking that he could have Trix. Duh, they were for kids. And oh my gosh, remember Trix Yogurt!? Gross. Google image search Trix Yogurt. Why our parents thought feeding neon colored yogurt to their children was okay is beyond me!

Okay n/m I’ll Google for you:

I really have nothing else to say. Or anything to say at all. I know this was super random. Except that it isn't! I'll let you in on how my mind works real quick. I thought of this because I heard "Kiss" by Prince on the radio, which of course sent my mind to think of Pretty Woman. It then spiraled quickly.

Moral of the story: Don’t turn tricks. Also, Trix are for kids… and probably terrible for you. So maybe we should all just stay away from both.

Pretty Woman on the other hand? It's good. Watch it.

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The art of the mixtape.

I am not old enough to have had the experience of waiting for my song to come on the radio and hit record as quickly as possible, just to ensure that my song was being recorded onto my cassette. Okay, maybe I did it once or twice. But just when I was in my (short lived) country phase. In hindsight, I am glad that I didn’t waste my “hard earned” allowance on country music CDs. Why? Because that means my money was instead spent on boy bands and trips on my bike to 7-11 or Dairy Queen. So much better.

Anywho, this post is about how I have officially lost the art of creating the perfect mix. I blame technology! And iTunes. And college. And terrorism (I just feel like terrorists should always be blamed).

My sister and I used to spend so many "homework hours" in high school illegally downloading music. Get off my back, you know you did it too! Napster was a thing. Remember? And at the time it wasn't illegal! Well… it might have been. Beyond the downloading, we also had an insane CD collection. It was the 4-per page book and it was amazing. I think it is still at my parents’ house! Now I am determined to find it. Anyway, because of our amazing music collection, we became artists when it came to creating the perfect seasonal mix. Oh gosh, and remember the importance of the sharpie art? Especially if it was going to a boy.

A perfect mix would of course have an appropriate rise and fall for your day:

- Starts off slow for the drive to school (3 songs)
- Awesome sing along jams for off campus lunch and car dancing with your gurls (4 songs)
- A medium song for the immediate post school wind-down
- A slow rise back up for pre-practice pump-up (3-4 songs)

These days with iTunes and even Spotify or Grooveshark, you can select an entire album and just “shuffle.” That is what I have been doing on my iTunes playlists for a while now… and I can honestly say that I have officially lost the art of the mix. It is gone. I take my most recent purchased albums and random songs and just hit shuffle.

At one time there were mix rules! I miss the rules. If you had new songs by a fave artist, you could only put a 3rd song by that artist if it was a classic. For example, if I was about to make a new mix that had some JT 20/20 on it, I could only put a third JT track on there if it is a classic (ala Cry Me a River). Do you catch my drift?

A mix by me would usually include some Britney. A mix by my sister would usually include some DMX Dr. Dre (My sister called after the post went up to correct me) or Biggie. She actively thought we lived in the hood. It was SW Portland, not the south side of Chicago Linds. BUT her hoodness did give her an uncharacteristic love of rap that carries through to today. Most people would be shocked to learn this fun fact. She comes off as so straight laced!

For a post with good playlists from someone who has not lost this art - visit Venus!

Alright folks, have a great Tuesday! Tomorrow is May. I hope you have all seen that ‘Nsync GIF. Okay, just in case:

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The science of sleep

Disclaimer: I have not taken a real science class since 2002ish. I am terrible at both math and science. But I guess you already read about the math thing. Also, this post isn't actually about science at all. It is about sloth.

I was once told that if you don’t get a lot of sleep for a bunch of years your body will spend the next however many years trying to catch up on those lost hours. This is clearly not true, but the theory was that if your body needs 6 hours of sleep to function normally, but you regularly only give it 5 over the span of a year, your body will “bank” the lost 365 needed hours and try to make it up. The best solution would obviously be 365 hour long naps.

I am certain I have used this photo of Lauren and Marina napping before. It is just too perfect!

Doesn't this feel true sometimes though!? Say you stayed up late on Saturday and didn't get to sleep-in on Sunday. Even if you get normal sleep amount on Sunday night, it feels like you are still recovering on Monday. Which you may be, as this is on a much smaller scale. It does make me wonder though, what about new moms? Do they have a bank of lost sleep hours that make them say things like, “because I’m the adult and you’re the kid.” You guys, they were still tired from the agony that you put them through when you were an infant! Maybe. Probably not. It is an interesting theory though.

Don’t worry guys! I have more on this completely uninteresting topic.

My co-worker once told me about a study that was done where they put people in a house or room or something where they had access to food for 3 meals per day, as well as entertainment and a place to sleep. BUT they couldn't see the daylight progression. These people were just supposed to go about their lives. It was a study on the natural habits of people and our natural body clock. From the study (that may or may not be real) they found that after time, these people were living 25 hour days! Based on when they ate their meals, how their bodies naturally slept etc. They were living 25 hour days!!! That means the real reason we always feel like we are catching up is because our day is one hour too short.

I’m not crazy right? Don't we all feel like we are constantly trying to catch up with our own lives? One more hour to get laundry done, or take a bath, or sleep longer, or linger at Target! Wouldn't that be amazing!? I love Target.

What a stupid post. I don't even care. I'm going wine tasting this weekend! TGIF!

Potential new career? SPORTS!

I don't watch a lot of sports. Are you shocked!? But when I do watch sports, all I can think about is how stupid the game time reporter commentary is. There is a friendly type boy in my life who doesn't get a lot of mention on this here internet place, but as we spend more time together, my exposure to professional athletics has doubled (from almost none to a little).  And in this observation of athletics, I now have a claim out there in the universe, and now on the internet, that I could be a halftime/ post-game reporter! Seriously. All they do is say something everyone already knows and then ask an obvious question.

All you have to say is stuff like,

"I bet coach [name] is giving the players some real encouragement right now."

OR

"The team with the most points will most definitely be victorious in this match-up. Back to you [name]."

OR

"Tough loss. How are you feeling?" and "Great win! How are you feeling?" and "That was some hard play in the second half. How are you feeling?"

THEN

"Big win for the [mascot]. Back to you [name]."

The only people who need to know stuff are the real reporters in the studio. Everyone else just sounds like blithering idiots. I could TOTALLY be just as stupid as them. Please email me with any job openings or potential hiring opportunities that you hear of. Thank you.

“She clearly has done her homework in preparation for this blog post. In the end she gave it all she had, it JUST wasn't enough today. Back to you real bloggers.”

Spring Break is maddening.

Why did school give us spring break? I understand summers off for the teachers to regain sanity (so they don’t turn to the darkness and become evil). I also see why there is a winter break. It is so people can stay inside all day and not freeze to death for a couple weeks in the winter. You may think it is because of the holidays but you are wrong! It is a fact that *75% of the time, Hanukkah doesn't even fall during winter break! I call that holiday discrimination.
*Not a real statistic

But seriously what is the point of spring break!? It is just rude and discriminatory for us non-students/ non-parents of school age children. It is like it is expected that everyone just DOES spring break and escapes the remaining cold to go soak up some sunshine. As a non-student with a normal job, I say “down with spring break!” Even other normal people without kids, who have normal jobs, act like spring break is a real thing for everyone! Tell me, why does my news feed contain multiple people my age going on vacation to Palm Springs, Hawaii, Texas, Mexico, Bend and Whistler? They all have normal full-time jobs! Wouldn't they rather go at a less expensive time? AKA not spring break? You aren't in college anymore. It is time to let go.

One thing I do miss about the good old days of spring break is the awesomeness of the MTV spring break special! Remember the crazy guy VJ with long hair who was always chewing on a toothpick or cherry stem? He wore flares and platforms… must look him up. He was totally on something. I wonder if he is still alive. Songs that I recall from MTV spring break performances: the Thong Song by Sisqo and Tipsy by J-Kwon. Really mom? You let me watch that stuff!? Actually, you probably had no idea. I was sneaky like that. I don't really want to link either of those dirty videos. So instead, this video of J-Simps is hilarious! From the gauchos to her movements while singing... yikes. Enjoy!

I used to love spring break for obvious school escaping reasons. I assume I will love it again at some point. But for now, since I am bitter and at home, I say no to spring break… and yes to equal rights.

Like how I added that at the end!? I am SO political.

AIM and my work as a part time model.

Psych! I'm obviously not a model. I am considering busting out AIM again though. Dear AOL, thank you for teaching me how to type both quickly and incorrectly. Love, Laura

I just wrote that sentence after writing the post. Don't worry; it will make more sense later. But now I want to elaborate on my life as a part time model! Remember Flight of the Concords? Nope? You are missing out. Anyway, they have a funny song about "the most beautiful girl in the room (depending on the room)" and how she could be a part time model, but she should probably keep her real job too.

I just started laughing listening to it again! And yes, the girl in the video is Cher from Clueless the TV show.

You may now proceed to the original post:

I don’t know what the heck I am doing with this blog. I like to write and ramble but the longer I have a corner of the internet, the more I realize I have no idea what I am doing. Internet stuff is so beyond me! Tell me, do I now need to go on bloglovin, google analytics and that reader subscriber majig to fix my URL? Why are people all of a sudden using bloglovin!? Is it because reader is going away? I think bloglovin is so annoying to use. How dare Google get rid of something without providing us with a replacement? I just want to check my email and blogs at the same time! Is that so much to ask? At this point I may as well go back to Hotmail or AOL. If I switch back to AOL I will hear “ you've got mail” every time I log on! My life would get SO Kathleen Kelly. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. I wonder if my handle from 7th grade is still available!? I’m pretty sure my password was the name of the boy I liked. Don’t worry guys, we totally “went out” and held hands at lunch time.

On a completely different note, Jenn Pfaus is da bomb! And took pictures of us rando bloggers at a PDX blogger event. She is awesome and fun, and made me feel super comfortable. But I think we can all agree that getting your picture taken alone is a terrifying and awkward experience. I’m sure fashion bloggers will say “you get used to it!” In response I say, “That is a really bizarre thing to get used to. You are weird.” Okay, back to the photo sesh. As soon as Jenn started snapping photos I forgot how to smile and couldn't remember what to do with my hands and arms. I was quickly corrected by Jade, who told me that standing with my arms plastered to my sides was a bad idea. My solution was to just laugh the whole time. Therefore my eyes were likely shut in 90% of the pictures. Sorry Jenn! I’m crazy squinty.

Jenn was great though, and by her amazing photography skills (and likely witchcraft), we ended up with some really great shots! … Although, upon getting them back I mega regret not washing my hair that day. Can’t win em all!

Peace friends! Hit me up on AIM (MissQTpie99).

Artificial flavor

Everyone wigs out about blue raspberry. “That isn't real! Raspberries aren't blue!!”
Or are they?...

Fact about me: I chew cinnamon gum.

The other day as I was unwrapping a piece of cinnamon gum, my mind wandered, hmm… cinnamon is brown. Not red.

I guess brown probably wouldn't be that appetizing. Everyone freaks out about blue raspberry, but no one thinks twice about red cinnamon stuff.

What’s up with that!? I'll just be here washing down some Red Hots with a blue raspberry Slurpee.

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Let’s talk about love.

Not in real life. But since it is almost Valentine’s Day, I thought we could discuss the “love revelation” in TV and movies. Next week we can talk about all things heart shaped and glittery.

Last night I was watching The Mindy Project on Hulu and in the latest episode BJ Novak realizes that he is in love with young Susan Sarandon. The reason he comes to this realization is because Mindy prompts him by asking who he would want to see on his last night of death row. First of all, where was she going with this? They had only been dating for two episodes! He was obviously not going to say her. That would be insane. They had probably literally been on 4 dates and likely don’t even know each other’s middle names. He chose young Susan Sarandon, his best friend, who he has clearly been in love with for years. Poor Mindy, it was a pretty hilarious and unfortunate When Harry Met Sally moment. Question:  Why didn't BJ Novak say he would want to see his family?

The weirdest love revelation we should really discuss is in Clueless. Yes, it is based off of Jane Austen’s Emma, BUT in Emma Mr. Knightly is her brother-in-law’s brother. I have met my brother-in-law’s brother once or twice. In Clueless, Josh is her former STEP-BROTHER! They are SIBLINGS!!!! In the movie you don’t think much of it because you assume Mel is kind of a serial-marrier due to gold diggers and was likely only married to Josh’s mom for a hot minute. But still, they probably all lived in the same house and did Christmas morning together etc. (excuse me Hanukah… Horowitz) Plus, Josh is practically living in their house during the entire movie. At one point, Mel responds to Cher’s inquiry about it by saying, “You divorce wives, not children.” So there Cher, when you have that revelation in front of the fountain (“Oh my god! I love Josh!”) you are declaring romantic love for your sibling. The extra weird part is that he reciprocates after calling himself a “brother type” earlier in the movie. Although, they probably DID know each other’s middle names because they are siblings and all. I’m not sure why I find knowing middle names significant when declaring love. It really has nothing to do with anything.

From siblings...

...to kissin'

I must mention that Clueless is one of my favorite movies of all time. I just had to reflect on the whole sibling thing for a minute. It really just makes the movie funnier and makes me love it (and Cher and Josh) more.

Writing this post has given me my very own love revelation about cheesy shows and movies. Who cares if it is unrealistic! They give me butterflies and make me giddy. This would be embarrassing but I'm pretty sure you guys know what I mean.

A list of some of the great ones:
- Rachel realizes that she loves Ross too! Once after seeing the broach he bought for her, and later when she is about to fly to Paris. (Don’t worry guys, she got off the plane)
- Kathleen Kelly realizes she loves Joe Fox on the day she is to meet NY157. Good thing Tom Hanks is really good at getting Meg Ryan to fall in love with him!
- Melanie Smooter Carmichael realizes that she gave her heart away a long time ago.
- Harry realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Sally, and therefore wants the rest of his life to start as soon as possible!

Don’t even get me started on the movies where there is a bet involved and they end up falling in love.

What is your opinion on the whole “love revelation?” Do you think it is stupid? At all plausible? Do you think these types of romantic movies and shows sets us up for disappointment? I have heard crazy arguments against the romantic comedy and how it is damaging to girls perspectives etc. How you need to go through “real life experiences” with someone before you truly fall in love. Blah blah blah… No really, tell me your opinion! You already know mine.

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I love cake.

Some people don't like cake. Many of them say stuff like, "I just wouldn't choose cake." Well, to those people I say, you are eating the wrong kind of cake. Cake from a box sucks, store bought cake from the grocery store sucks. Go get yourself a nice piece of fancy bakery cake. You won't regret it!

I frequently indulge by purchasing myself a nice $4 slice of cake. Do you remember that scene form Matilda when Bruce Bogtrotter has to eat that whole chocolate cake in front of the school? That cake looks sooooo good. I remember watching that movie as a child and thinking about how that cake looked like the best cake in the history of the world.

Yesterday I was Bruce Bogtrotter. I bought a large piece of chocolate cake and ate the whole thing in under 5 minutes. I have no shame.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! From now on when I am craving cake I am going to refer to it as "Bogtrotter envy."

Have a super Super Bowl!

This is my last post before the weekend so I find it appropriate to write about the Super Bowl. As you could have probably guessed, my favorite part of the Super Bowl is not the football (shocker), but instead the freedom I feel to become a complete food monster. A common Super Bowl short list includes: Wings, pizza, guacamole, chips of the potato and corn variety, beer and sugary soda drinks, and likely a veggie tray for appearances.

My mother is the only one in our family who likes football. Weird right!? Correction, my mother and brother-in-law are the only ones in our family who like football. I don’t know what Brandon is doing, but I think my sister and I have convinced my mom to go shopping with us on Sunday. BUT the funny thing about my mom is that over the past 25 years she has consistently encouraged us to become engaged in the important football event of the moment. Super Bowls, local college games, bowl games, the Seahawks, you name it. So I expect that my sweet mother will have Super Bowl themed food out as a ploy to get us to watch some of the game. What a gem.

This is how my sister watches football. At least she is trying mom! 

Enjoy the gluttony friends! I am “rooting” for the 49ers… and Beyonce. If you plan on texting or checking Twitter and Insta for most of the game (like a normal person), make sure to read this awesome and hilarious Super Bowl post from Venus. That way you can still kind of impress your boyfriend later. He will be like, “oh my gosh! You know so many awesome football facts!” and you will be like, “I know, right!?” Although, the only thing I actually absorbed from the list is that the coaches are brothers. Reading is hard.

Have a great weekend!

The deal with CrossFit people.

I get that CrossFit is a thing and a big deal to those who dedicate their time to it. And when I say “time,” I clearly mean life because CrossFit people never shut up about it! It’s like there is nothing else going on in their lives besides working out and doing cleanses.

CrossFit people’s recently tagged pictures seem to only be at the gym, or of their green smoothies. I didn't come on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram to guess how much kale is in your smoothie. (Don’t get me wrong, one of my friends has a Vitamix and I always ask what is in her drinks. The magic of the Vitamix and its ability to obliterate things will never cease to amaze me.) I came on here to look at pictures of people’s new puppies, babies, cocktails or nature. Or that same picture of the floor at the blazer game from the 300 level that seems to overwhelm my feed every time there is a game.

Sorry, back to the point.

Dear CrossFit people,

We get that you are in shape. We get that it has caused an unavoidable level of narcissism. My cheeseburger and I are just really sick of hearing about it.

Love,
Everyone else

Woohoos and Workouts.

There is a lady in my favorite exercise class who just “woohoos” the whole time. She is the life of the class! I love having her there, but she basically just stands there and yells or shouts out song lyrics (Filthy song lyrics that she probably doesn’t know the meaning of btw). AND she usually leaves class at least twice. I always figured this is due to having children and that there is a need to use the restroom from all the jumping. Reasonable right? Well, this past weekend my sister noted that she wasn’t even really moving. Just standing there, yelling and leaving multiple times. Hmmm.

This lady plays an integral role for those of us who do not have the extra lung power to bust out the high-volume woo-hooing, but why does she waste that big chunk of her morning? Just so she can say she went to the gym? If just showing up counts, then I am going to start spending my time in the steam room and call it working out.  Better yet, I’ll just nap during yoga and tell the instructor that I am meditating in Savasana.

Please enjoy this instructional video on Savasana (aka corpse pose):

Namaste.

A Kiss at Midnight

I hope you all had lovely Christmases. Mine was awesome! Relaxing to the max.

This post is not about Christmas though, it is about New Years! Well… not New Year’s really, but the kissing thing that goes along with it.

Personally, I would rather have someone to kiss at noon on New Year’s Day than a one-time kiss at midnight. I also know that for many folks out there this option is not reality.

New Year’s Eve is a time to celebrate the passing of one year and the welcoming of a new. Why then is a kiss part of the equation? Is it because we are ceremonially kissing the previous year goodbye? Or is it because we are kissing the one who we want to begin the New Year with? It is a fact that 85% of NYE dates are not planning on ending that same year together (Psych, I made that statistic up, but it is probably close!). So why the pressure? Why the stock on having someone to kiss? Doesn't the desperation involved slightly make it lose its meaning? I would say so.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the NYE glitter, champy and fun. But over the years I have probably only had one or two NYE nights that got close to the hype surrounding them. And one of them was probably the millennium. The fact that Y2K didn't happen should keep NYE ‘99 at the top of all of our lists. Also, do you remember Will Smith’s album Willenium? Yeah, Will 2 K forevs.

So do not feel bad if you don’t have a midnight kiss lined up. I’m sure there will be a stranger waiting in the wings. And who knows, maybe they are your soul mate!? But think twice and ask about their bill of health before you go snogging a possibly herpes ridden stranger. That meaningless midnight smooch might leave you with more than a hangover the next day… It might leave you wondering if you should hit up the free clinic.

Or consider having a NYE change of perspective as I have. Because wouldn't you rather have someone to kiss at noon on New Year’s Day and the days following? I know I would.

Happy almost 2013!

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Things I am not good at: Sports/ Being competitive

I am going to start a new series. All of the other series type things on this blog have obviously taken a lengthy hiatus… so don’t put a lot of hope into this one either. This series is going to be: Things I am not good at. I thought it could provide some general entertainment to the masses. I am good at a lot of stuff, but I am bad at just as much stuff! God does that to keep us on an equal playing field (I can back it up with some verses if you would like).  For a non-biblical example: Aren't people who are good at math usually bad at human interaction? Haha! I just say that because I’m bad a math. But that is a post for another time.

This post is about traditional sports and my lack of competitive nature.

I am coordinated at some things. I have good balance and flexibility and I am decently strong. Not like crazy strong. I don’t do cross-fit or any of that crazy crap. But I am healthy and generally coordinated at skiing, dancing etc. Basically just the fun important stuff.

I am not good at traditional “boy sports.” You know, the horrible boring ones like soccer and basketball. Call me sexist. I don’t even care. I generally feel negative about anything that involves throwing, catching or kicking. Hand me a bat and I will swing it at your head. Try to throw something to me and I won’t even try to catch it. I would rather stand there and watch it hit the floor than embarrass myself trying to catch it. Unless it is a baby. I would probably try to catch a baby, but seriously bad move. I can’t catch. Why are you throwing your baby at me?

Yes. This happened. 

This photo likely highlights my one and only interaction with traditional athletic equipment. And look how I’m holding it! Pinky up!? I was clearly too girly for a full grip on that stupid bat. At least I am rocking some awesome pink overalls. I knew what was important even then.

My sister is this way too. Her friends joke about how she is the least competitive person in the entire world. Well, we are both that way. Why? Because we have to be. If we cared about winning, we would be living in constant disappointment. Oh, you want to play cards? You are annoyed that I am not as “into it” as you? Sorry, but I was molded at a young age to not be competitive. Our lack of ability in playground activities taught us to check our competitive nature at the door. This lesson began very early and has seeped into other areas of our lives. Even if it is something that we have the potential to be good at! Like cards, shuffleboard or handstand contests… Actually, we would dominate in a handstand contest. Let’s go. Let’s do this. Psych! We don’t care.

Wanna hear something hilarious? My sister is on a rec softball team. She secretly hates it and is constantly expressing her hope that each game be rained out. Duh. (Sorry Donkeys!  I hope none of you read this)

I am pretty excited about this series! I hope you are too. We'll see how it goes! Eventually I will run out of material right?...

Jessica Simpson is pregnant again.

What does this mean for her 3 million dollar Weight Watchers deal? Also, seriously Jessica? I think Suri puts it best. We do not need another 17 month long pregnancy from this chick.

I really hope this is a false report. It isn't like US Weekly is the standard in journalism.

I don’t know if the world is ready more pregnant J.Simps pictures. Are they ever going to get married?? Call me old fashioned, but wouldn't you prefer to have your baby daddy be legally bound to you when you gain all that weight? Just a thought.

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The F Word.

Fear.

I know I have written about this before, but I think it is the kind of thing that needs to be mentioned regularly.

So many of us live our lives in fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of commitment. Fear of the unknown. .. Just to name a few. The thing about fear is that it can be completely debilitating. It is an emotion that can completely take away all common sense and reasoning. Ridiculous.

The thing I know I have shared before is that the Bible tells us NOT TO FEAR.

Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

Philippians 4: 6-7
6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When people read and email and status update this verse from Philippians they are focusing on 7. Well… what about 6!? Read it on its own and get back to me.

On that note, let’s throw anxiety in there too. I get anxious about a lot of stuff. For example, these past few days for me have been riddled with anxiety, like having trouble eating and sleeping anxiety. Am I the only one who thinks excitement and anxiety are from the same family? Like fraternal twins maybe?

So many people use these verses as a comfort. “Oh! The lord is with me. Cotton candy in the sky, I feel comforted.” He is with you and if you are like me you can feel that comfort. Like, seriously physically feel it.  But He is also commanding that you not fear or be anxious. And when you do and stop trusting him, you are actively defying his will for your life. You are disobeying The Word when you live your life anxiously in fear.

But doesn't that enlist a little bit of fear and anxiety in you!? Haha. Vicious cycle. “Do not fear.” It isn't a suggestion! This post probably wasn't helpful for anyone… sorry for instilling an anxious fear of fearing.

I don't blame you if you read this and think, "Eff Laura and her F-word, she is a downer." (Pun!)

How thankful are you for grace!? Majorly thankful.

I leave you with this:
Matthew 6:34
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

[1]

What, Me Worry?

This is a line that my dad likes to throw out there. If you ask him why he is saying the same annoying thing over and over, he stares at you and says, “Alfred E. Neuman!” As if I am supposed to know who that is and what it means.

Sorry Dad, but I didn't read Mad Magazine in the 1960s. Anywho, I think good ole Al has it right though. We don’t need to worry about it! Reality is this: All things will work out for good. All challenging things will eventually come to pass.

Right now one of my challenges is not necessarily personal, but instead in response to others reactions to me. Everyone else seems much more concerned about my life, love life, future plans etc. than I am. New internal response: What, Me Worry?

Another thing I think needs a mention today is the election!! Woohoo! Today is Election Day! I know a lot of people get all stressed and wigged out about their candidates today, but to me Election Day is the coolest thing. We have the right to voice our views and participate in democracy. Does it get much cooler?

I am not super political, but I am a human. And one thing that has really irked me this political season has been the way people have treated each other. It is like people think the internet makes them anonymous, or that not physically being next to someone when hurtful words are used makes them less offensive. Well, it doesn't. That person is still going to read those words. As an observer, it is honestly embarrassing. If you are one of the mean aggressive ones, you should really be embarrassed.

Election Day is exciting. We are officially all participating in something together! And no matter how the races (big and small, state or national) turn out, they are a done deal. It is my hope that after the fact we can just drop the angst and come together! no matter if your chosen candidate is elected. We are a lot stronger when we are united!

In conclusion:

I hope you all rocked the vote! Remember when MTV did “vote or die?” That was a little aggressive.

[1] [2]

We don’t actually know what we look like.

It isn't like we see our faces all day. I know my hands and nails pretty well. I think they are okay. And I like to paint my nails because it makes me feel put together. I have decided that this is because I literally look at my hands on my keyboard ALL DAY. It is other people that have to look at our faces. Your co-workers and friends probably know your face a lot better than you do. I bet you know details about your significant others face that they don't even know.

I have some friends who are absolutely beautiful! And to be honest, they probably don’t realize how babelicious they are. It isn't like they look at themselves all day. They stare at their computers until it feels like their eyeballs are bright red and about to fall out of their heads. When you feel like a zombie, you assume that you look like one as well.

How I (and probably many others) feel after work:
- My skin feels greasy
- My eyes feel dry (I have now rubbed them, therefore mascara flakes now sit on my cheeks)
- My legs feel like they only half work
- I am hungry enough to eat a meal, but know I should only have a snack (it is confusing)
- I know my make-up came off, but I don’t care
- My outfit feels stale
- My hair is now misbehaving (depending on the weather)
- I need to brush my teeth but opt for gum instead

I assume this is how everyone feels after an 8-hour day at their computer. BUT when I meet my friends for Happy Hour they all still look solidly decent after a long day at work. When we feel nasty, we assume that we also look nasty. We do not see ourselves all the time, others do. In conclusion, this is why we do not always feel the confidence that we know is in us.

Have you ever looked at a picture and thought, “wait, is that me?” It is my guess that you have. That is because you don’t spend your entire day looking in a mirror or at pictures of yourself ala Kim Kardashian. Congratulations for not being a narcissist!

We don’t know what we look like because we spend all of our time looking at other stuff. You are probably good looking. Give yourself some credit.

One Direction had it right. You don't know that you're beautiful! It's okay, why would you?

PS. These guys look like little girls. Nice voices though... call me in 10 years.