Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Heartbreakers and broken hearts.

Breakups totally suck. From temporary ones like Cory and Topanga, to perma ones like Brad and Jen, breakups are just no good.

I have been in discussions with many of my people as of late that revolve around the breakup. Ahh the breakup. We have all had them, we have all supported a friend through one and we all despise them. Having not been in a relationship or breakup in a few years, I get to look at this as an outsider. So just accept my perspective for now.

You can be terribly broken and devastated from the ending of a relationship. Right? Well, here is the piece that baffles me… somehow it is always worth it to take a risk the next time a potential relationship is on the horizon. Does the good of a new relationship always trump the bad of a previous? Or is it the hope that this new one won’t end? (ie. marriage) And just because you are married doesn’t mean the relationship is all unicorns and rainbows. Every relationship has its own unique set of challenges. Yet somehow we are always willing to jump in feet first and take the plunge into the complicated depths of love, or like, or lust (depending on who you are).

Does a “single” status really just mean that someone is willing to get hurt again? And no, I am not talking about Facebook… you socially networked weirdos.

Please remember that this is all theory and I personally do not have a lot to go on. Just bear with me through these thoughts.




As the people in my life have been through breakups over the years, each breakup was completely different from the next. I am going to exclude myself… yet I of course find it completely kosher to discuss the personal lives of my friends… duh.





From the many different breakups in our lives we have learned this: When there is bad blood between exes, the consoling is easy because you tell the dumpee that they are better off. When there is still communication between the exes you tread lightly because you never know how they are feeling on any given day. When things just end, they just end and you comfort your friend as they deal with the heartbreak. But in complicated matters of the heart, new scenarios arise. Why? Because no two relationships are the same and therefore no two breakups are the same. You can learn from your past, but when it comes to breakups, chances are each circumstance is a whole new ball game. As humans who are wired to learn from our experiences, this is incredibly frustrating.

I so wish there was a standard. A cookie-cutter break-up if you will. If this existed, we would all know how to deal and we would all know how to best support our friends when they have a turn in the gloomy land of the breakup.

That is all I have to contribute today. I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine! Assuming you live in PDX.

Peace Out.

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12 comments:

  1. I think the difference between the last break up and the latest is just the way we all grow a bit with each one. It's not that they are easier or worse but we become older and wiser (well, some of us) and you can move on differently. This is exactly how it is going into a new relationship after the last. You go into it prepared to make different choices and pick different battles because scars from the last fights are still present.

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  2. I think the difference between the last break up and the latest is just the way we all grow a bit with each one. It's not that they are easier or worse but we become older and wiser (well, some of us) and you can move on differently.
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