Thursday, October 25, 2012

Default Settings

I guess the journal app wasn't a waste after all! Okay guys, this is not a usual post for me. I’m going to get all weird and slightly emo on you. And because I am “reading” Gone Girl, I am going to include a quiz at the end. Who are we kidding… I listen to audio books on my commute. It rocks, you should do it.

Here we go:
I am generally not insecure. At this point in my life, the most insecure I get is usually related to vanity and how others perceive me. But In the past it was SO much more. There was a lingering, ‘am I good enough?’ The most insecure time of my life was probably during college. I am going to assume that this is pretty common. You are no longer at home, you are “playing adult,” and you are making grown-up-ish decisions about your life. I guess it makes sense to be insecure as you are literally coming of age.

That being said, I now have a much stronger sense of self and it is quite liberating. I know who I am. I know how cherished I am by God. I feel confirmed, encouraged and loved by most of the people in my life. Honestly, I feel awesome! Maybe too awesome sometimes...

Yet, putting my self in scenarios where I formerly felt insecure causes me to default into an unstable state of mind. My 19 yr old self comes creeping through and it can become debilitating. And I left that girl behind a long time ago! Some of her outfit choices were… let's just say they were questionable.

My question for you is this, why do we let this happen? We can be completely secure adults, who make solid choices and feel stable in who we are. Yet, we get thrown into situations that make us default into who we were a long time ago. Insecurity, or that reaction that makes us feel like we aren't good enough, seeps back to the forefront. We default into someone of the past.

So what is the plan you guys? Do we avoid those situations at all costs? Or do we get strong enough to not default?

When you are feeling less than awesome, insecure, or not good enough, do you:
A.) Eat your feelings.
B.) Exercise
C.) Pray about it.
D.) Spend time with people who make you feel like a million bucks.
E.) A,C and D
F.) All of the above.

You probably think the answer is F (all of the above). Well, you are wrong. The answer is E. Duh! Exercise is for chumps.

These are just a few of the chicks who make me feel like a million bucks! This was us (and wine) on Monday night.

I bring this up now because I feel like this has happened to me recently and I thought it could be happening for you as well. Is it!? Or am I alone out here in all this crazy?


  1. You are not alone! I think I mostly cope by hanging out with people that make me feel like a million bucks. I think I need a lot of affirmation, but I wish I didn't!

  2. I nominated you for The Liebster Award, it's an award given to bloggers by other bloggers. For more information about the award please stop by my website

    Jenn xo

  3. Thanks for the courage posting this! And those photos :)

  4. Um I feel this way a lot. I also completely get the "why am I reacting this way?" deal. It's like, I am a real true grown up but put me around certain people or in certain circumstances and I am an insecure, emo version of my 20 year old self. Weird. Also weird when you talk to younger women and you can see what's going on in their heads cause you've been there before. Also, you're awesome. Also, I wish I had people like you down here.


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